Remember that Signal Boost I posted yesterday, about the school fire in Vancouver, WA? Well, the Evil League of Evil Writers is up to its usual no good, and we’re being bad guys.

My friend and ELEW colleague Seleste deLaney has some details up on her blog about what eviltry we at the ELEW are getting up to.

To sum up for those who don’t want to clicky the linky, I want your firstborn child.

No, not really. Keep your spawn to yourself, thanks. If you give them to me I’ll sell them into slavery or eat them for breakfast, because that’s how I roll.

What I really want are donation items for the Evil Auction we’re plotting. We’ve gotten some awesome, AWESOME donation items already, and this is going to be a great auction! Still, more can’t hurt!

ETA: The auction is now live, but we’re STILL taking donations! There’s going to be a second round of items going up, so don’t feel like you missed it!

I’m totally stealing what Seleste says on her blog, because it’s exactly what I want to say:

We’re organizing a fundraising auction to help Crestline Elementary. We’re looking for donations of time [from authors] (in the form of critiques, mentorships, and phone calls) as well as items (signed books, swag baskets, knitted goods, jewelry…whatever skill you have that you’re willing to ship) to auction off.

A lot of times, auctions are used to get your name out and spread your brand. This isn’t about that. This is about giving hope back to a bunch of kids, parents, and teachers who are probably feeling a little hopeless right now. It’s not about you or us… it’s about them.

In the spirit of that, if you have something to donate for the auction, please contact the wonderful ladies who lead our group on a daily basis:

Skyla Dawn Cameron at skyladawncameron [at] gmail [dot] com
and/or
Dina James at dina [at] dinajames [dot] com

[DINA’S NOTE: Please CC us both if you mail us, so we can keep things straight, thank you!]

If you don’t have something to donate, please come back and bid or help spread the word. If you want to donate to the school immediately there were details about that in Lilith’s post.

Now, you don’t have to be a writer to donate items. I’m looking for anything to auction! If you make jewelry and want to offer an item, awesome, I’ll take it! A musician? I’ll take a CD. An artist? I’ll take a print or an original! A crafter? Crochet, knit or embroider something! Anything will help. We’ll even let you set the opening bid/reserve if you want, or you can leave it up to us to price accordingly.

WHAT WE DON’T WANT:

1) Used commercially-made items. This is an auction, not a yard sale or thrift store. Unless it’s a used, signed book or rare vinyl album or something. Then we’ll take that. But we don’t want clothes your kid outgrew you’re looking to get rid of or a set of half-dry markers. We really want things you make yourself.

2) Anyone looking to donate things just to promote themselves. The ELEW reserves the right to decline any offer or donated item for any reason, but especially if your offer is complete crap designed only to promote yourself. (I’m looking at you, Certain Self-Pubbed Author. Just keep walkin’ Preacher Man.) While we’re happy to link your donation to your website, etc., this auction isn’t about self-promo. This is about helping a community with a tragedy.

In addition to the above, we’re looking for items people will actually want to bid on, and we’re not going to embarrass our Evil Organization by associating it with your bullshit self-promo item no one will bother touching. Mostly because we don’t want to hear the butt-hurt whinging when no one bids on your shit. We’re looking for donations from legitimate writers/musicians/artists/craftspeople only, and by “legitimate” I mean “people who do this for work/get paid to do it.” Or, in less-polite terms, if you’re self-published, we’re not going to be your platform, don’t bother, the answer is no, go away. Yes, this is totally discriminatory and evil and whatnot, but maybe you missed the part where we’re an EVIL LEAGUE OF EVIL WRITERS and this is AN EVIL AUCTION. We can discriminate however we want, and will do so with extreme prejudice. Again, this auction is NOT about self-promo.

Now, what do you get in return for your donation?

1) Good karma
2) A little exposure on the auction site (this is more a side-effect than an intentional thing, as this isn’t about self-promo, remember)
3) The eternal gratitude of the ELEW and the Evergreen School District

When the auction site is ready to go live (and believe me, we’re working furiously on it), I’ll post a link so you can see the shiny pretty. We’re hoping to do that by the end of the week. This kind of thing isn’t easy or fast, but we’re doing what we can to get it off the ground, starting with things like this.

There’s lots going on with this auction, and there’s a lot more eviltry on the way. Even if you can’t donate, a signal boost on any of your social media will help. Donating to the school directly will also be a huge help. (Be sure and select “Crestline Elementary” from the “Select Fund For Donation” dropdown. Save your receipt, too, as there may be eviltry involved just for that!)

Thank you all to those who have already contributed to this and other fundraisers benefitting Crestline Elementary School, and to those who intend to.

That’s all for now. More as it develops.