Evil Summer Fun

Yes, I know I said I’d post this yesterday, but things got a little busy.

This is a no-frills recipe post because I’m still busy and if I don’t do this now I’ll forget to do it entirely, and then @jimsissy will be sad and people at summer BBQs will be sober, and we can’t have either one of those.

So! I give you:

Dina’s Drunken Fruit Salad (for those age 21+):

You will need:

1) A very large bowl in which to both make and transport your huge salad.

2) Fruit of your choice (the more the better, the seasonal the better). I generally use:
– Apples
– Oranges (regular Sunkist, not mandarin)
– Bananas
– Strawberries
– Grapes (seedless, red or green or both)
– Pineapple (fresh, not canned, but canned will work if you can’t get fresh)
– Pears
– Kiwi

3) Optional sides (don’t put these in the salad as they either get all gross or people don’t like them):
– Chopped pecans
– Small marshmallows

4) A large bottle of COINTREAU.

Here’s how it’s done:

A) Chop/segment all of your fruit into edible, bite-sized pieces. Remove seeds and pith and all the other nasty bits. Pluck the grapes from the stems, etc.

B) Set aside two of your oranges – you’re going to need the juice. (You can also use limes in this place, but oranges are better in my opinion.

C) Prepare all the fruit (except the bananas if you’re using them) and put it in your bowl.

D) Squeeze the juice of your two oranges you set aside into a bowl, and slice the bananas into the juice. Make sure they get a nice coating of juice (this prevents them from turning brown immediately – they make a powder you can get in the canning aisle – ascorbic acid (Vit C) powder – but this works just as well for your purposes since people are going to eat this soon and you’re not preserving it for long). You can also use lime juice or lemon or even pineapple (any citrus really), but I find it tastes best with the fresh-squeezed orange juice.

Let the slices soak in your orange juice for a few minutes, making sure each slice gets a good coating on both sides.

E) Pour the banana slices and orange juice over the fruit in the bowl. Mix well with two big spoons.

F) Once the salad is mixed, get your bottle of Cointreau.
– Open it and pour at least a cup of Cointreau over the fruit.
– Mix your salad up again with the spoons, coating all the pieces with the liqueur.
– Pour in another cup of Cointreau.
– Mix until all the bits are coated.

G) Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least an hour before taking it to serve to your BBQ patrons. It tastes just fine fresh, but the “marinating” makes it even better.

H) Make a warning sign/label, stating that this fruit salad is NOT FOR CHILDREN/HAS ALCOHOL IN IT. A lot of people either 1) don’t drink or 2) don’t want their kids to drink, and this fruit salad is the first thing parents want to give their kids because it’s “just fruit” and “good for them”. So, if there are going to be small humans at the function at which you serve this salad, POST A WARNING.

I) Serve your marshmallows and nuts on the side so people can garnish their fruit salad as they wish.

A note on variance: There are loads of other fruits you can put in this salad. Watermelon, honeydew, cantaloupe, cherries, all kinds of berries (FYI – blackberries and raspberries ROCK in this salad), different oranges, different apples, different pears, etc. The only thing is, it’s best to use FRESH fruit, not canned (except pineapple if you can’t get a fresh one), and use the juice of fresh citrus to keep the apples and bananas from turning brown.

J) Sit back and enjoy the BBQ, and the comments people make about “that gorgeous fruit salad”. It will be a hit and you’ll be asked to make it for summer social functions repeatedly. (Possibly some winter ones, too, but it’s harder to make good fruit salad in the winter, and I have a different specialty that’s requested for those events.)

This is a great summer recipe for a lot of reasons. Loads of the fruits are in season, and if you have a local farmer’s market like I do, you can get a lot of fruit for not that much money. It generally has something in it that will appeal to everyone.

My only problem is finding a big enough bowl lately to make and serve it in.